These few days haven't been the best ones and there is no particular reason why (or at least none that I know of) but it hasn't been smooth. I've been angry. I've been sad. I've been hating on everyone. I've just been overall a really really bad person. Perhaps it's because of all the pent up stress I have + the thought of nothing having a nice future + the pressure I put on myself. I'm not one to handle stress well evidently. I tend to crumble easily. And it sucks real bad. I've been crying myself to sleep. I don't know what else to do but cry and I feel that it's so stupid because crying doesn't help. It's retarded how I don't have any other ways to release these feelings but through crying. It's only nearing the end of January and I am already nearing break point. How am I going to get through another 9 months? I'm going to get through it either way but I know it's not going to be easy. I don't know why I'm typing all these out. I just need to tell this all to someone but no one wants to listen to my stupid pleas or troubles. Am I not a human? Am I not allowed to have troubles? I spent last night crying and cussing out at God. I don't know what else to do anymore. Why doesn't he answer my prayers? Why isn't everything working out? Why does it feel as if I'm carrying every burden upon my own shoulders when God has promised to carry everything?

I'm getting so easily annoyed at anyone and everyone these days. Everyone just needs to shut their trap and stop talking baseless shit. Have some substance people. Does no one actually realise that we are taking out GSCE O's this year? People need to be more considerate. Said people do not realise that the negative things they say affect the people around them. Said people also need to go rot in hell and die. Don't complain that doing the Chinese New Year decors in class in useless and you don't have time for it because you have a lot of work and it's your O's this year when you don't give to flying furnals about your work or O's. I'm sitting here, stressed the shit up and you're over there complaining but you don't even do any work. You don't even study. What have you to complain about? You over-exaggerate so much of your shit. Just shut your trap, no one wants to hear about your pathetic excuses. You're a pathetic excuse for a student. You don't study and you tell me that you're afraid of not doing well? You don't study and you tell me that you are worried for a certain subject? One minute you're saying that you just sit yourself in front of the tv all day or sleep and the next minute you're telling me you have tuition all day? Stop lying it's pathetic. You say you want to die soon. You're stupid to want to do that. Plain stupid. I can't be bothered with you anymore. I don't want to bother with you when I have my own problems to deal with.

Today I just wasn't myself in school. I was maniacal and downright retarded. I didn't want to care about anything studies-related. I felt lazy. I just didn't feel like me. Even at this very moment. I guess it's some form of escape. When you're just delirious and laughing at anything and everything, you don't tend to think about anything else because you're trying to control your laughter. Laughter helps to distract you from things. But after that, it all comes crashing down again. I'm just mentally, physically and emotionally worn out and I need a break from everything. I want someone to save me from this hellhole and I want out of here. I just don't know how to help myself now and I feel helpless. These nights I feel so restless but tonight, I feel useless. I don't even know what to say about how I feel anymore.

Oh there must be an easier way to release these feelings