Having my aunts telling me that I look like a model today really made me believe that I can become one. In case you didn't know, yes, my dream is to become a top flight model, gracing the runways in Milan. I don't know what exactly it is that appeals to me so much but I just really really want to become one. Which makes me think that it is in God's plan for me to become one just because I can't really pinpoint what exact reasons are giving me this dream and this strong urge. I've had this ambition for a while now and I'm planning to search out a agency after my GSCE O's but ever since I started thinking seriously about it, I've been having self doubts and I'm sure, till my GSCE O's are over and I actually find a agency, I'll continue having them. I don't know if I'm tall enough, skinny enough, have the right facial features/stature etc. But most importantly I don't know if it really is in God's plan for me to fulfill. There are times when I feel that He says "Yes, you were made to be a model, you just have to wait on me" and there are other time when I feel that He says "No, this is not your will, I have other things planned out for you". Everything is just so confusing to me at this moment, I just want a straight answer. Because if it isn't what I'm made to do, I really just want to be able to let go of it right now instead of having it ripped away from me one fine day.

The prospect of being a model seems so surreal. There are days when I feel like it's just stupid and naive of me to even think of wanting be a model because it just seems so far-fetched. But there are days when I just look at the people around me and hear what their dreams are and I feel as if mine are actually realistically achievable. Kiana really makes me believe in my dreams so much sometimes. Hearing her talk about hers and her plans just makes me believe I can actually do anything I set my mind to (if it's in God's plan of course). I'm really thankful to God for placing such a friend in my life. But that aside, I just need some kind of sure sign or answer or something. Or perhaps, I am supposed to just concentrate on studying for now and things will just come naturally if I am mean to do it. Someone told me there's no point in just talking about wanting to do something if you don't actually act on it. What they don't understand is even if I did act on it and I'm not meant to do it, there's no point. Therefore, I prefer for an answer or a direction before I act on anything.

I was watching FashionTV (yay for free channels during Chinese New Year) just earlier and they had a programme called Model Talk (if I'm not wrong?) where they featured Chanel Iman. I'd just like to say that Chanel Iman is gorgeous and so cute and such an inspiration, really. There are so many models I admire such as Raquel Zimmermann, Abbey Lee, Anja Rubik and of course Chanel Iman. And maybe Amanda Hendrick. Or not because maybe I just can't get over how gorgeous she is and the fact that she and Oli look so good together it's quite unbelievable. But that's besides the point. They were just showing the shows that Chanel Iman had done and they were just interviewing her and stuff like that. It just made me realise that models aren't as skinny as they used to be anymore. They just have to be real tall and have a certain kind of stature and features. Which makes me believe that I can actually do it. But as I have mentioned, I have been sent a lot of mixed signals. I don't quite know what it the point of this post but I just wanted to get this out of my head.

Just let your dreams be your pilot, your imagination your fuel