I went for a little retail therapy at Abercrombie & Fitch the past weekend. My mother mentioned she saw some really nice pants there and I happen to need some pants seeing as 1) I need some sort of formal wear for school now 2) I've lost so much weight that all my bottoms are so loose and unflattering on me. What I really wanted from A&F was the godly smelling perfume 1) You could smell every time you walk past the shop 2) The models drown themselves in. So I got a pair of really nice pants and really nice perfume. I can now proclaim myself as a fake A&F model. The pirated China version, haha. I really do smell so damn good nowadays, it's unbelievable, I LOVE THAT SCENT. It's a cologne though, not a perfume. Who cares anyway? It's 2012, girls wear guys watches and shirts, why not scents as well?


And of course, the customary polaroid with the A&F model at the entrance. I was under the impression that you'd need to buy something before you could get a polaroid. Turns out, you could get one regardless. I love it my polaroid to bits though, I look good, the model looks good/is angmoh, it's near perfecto. I just don't like how I look a tad childish.

Life's been pretty up and down lately. I can't really put a word to it, nor can I put it into words. All I know is, that right at this very moment, as I'm typing this, I feel at peace. I'm not incredibly high, yet I'm not low. I'm grateful for everything though, good and bad. I'm young, I'm foolish. I make mistakes, I learn from them. I've always told myself, "I'd rather regret doing something, than regret not having done it". I've always questioned it though, because living that line out meant risking hurt and pain. But despite everything that's happened lately, all the pain and crying and what not, I still believe in that. It is quite a rash belief though, almost foolish. It requires you to be 'gungho' (for lack of a better term), to just go for it without second thoughts. It's good and bad, in many ways.

The recent happenings have really helped me to learn a lot more about myself, to see a side of myself I've never seen before. The word 'Love' scares me and I don't know if its appropriate but love really does open your eyes and makes you lose yourself. It makes you give off literally everything you have to another person, it makes you desperate. It makes you illogical, it makes even the most matured of people immatured. It brings you to your knees and makes you go back on everything you have promised never to do or say. Love is incomprehensibly beautiful, but it's also a double-edged sword. I know it's my first and it didn't last long, but it was impactful. I don't know if I'd ever be able to have the guts to risk the hurt and pain again. I don't know if I'll ever be able to feel the same way I did. I don't know if I'm able to give so much in the future. I don't know if I could be confident enough to love someone again.

It's camp week this week and I just got back from the BA Envoys Main Camp today. I once again emphasize that I am NOT a camp person at all, and I've been reaffirmed in this area. However, I did enjoy myself again this time. I can't say that I've made new friends, but I've definitely got to know a few people and spent some great time with my existing friends. Tomorrow, I'll be going for the BA Communications Camp and I'm not looking forward to it because of the dirty games, which I heard would be quite vile. But I'm gonna go nonetheless.