*These are just random thoughts that ran through my head whilst I was in America

Holidays have always been a form of escape for me. I just drop everything in Singapore, take a plane and just enjoy myself, taking in the sight, sounds, people and everything. But this time, I just can't seem to let go. Other times, I don't have much to hold me down in Singapore. Not much friends, not much commitments. This time, I do, and I'm just afraid of being forgotten. I'm afraid of being forgotten. 

/You really just won't appreciate a good things till its gone. You don't appreciate what you have around you, yearning for something far away. I'm tired and I wanna go home. I'm sick of missing and putting up. / And then I feel like I'm in no place to be feeling all this, to be complaining, to be making expectations or to be wanting things. I've finally found a sense of belonging and its there I'm returning to. /

(We're all such strong things, trained to withstand storms, molded to resist whatever is thrown our way, like a brick wall. But someone would come along, someone who'd break down all your barriers so easily. You'd open yourself up, voluntarily spill everything right on the floor. All the secrets you've kept for so long, all the little parts of yourself that have turned rusty, they start to feel again. The many years that you've spent building up such great walls, of which many have tried to torn down with great effort but have failed, instantly turns to naught. All of the sudden, you feel alive, a kind of feeling you've never felt before. It feels good. That someone turns into a breathing human antidote, a source of daily supplement and a never ending growing addiction because of the feeling you have when you're around him/her. They keep you yearning, almost like a drug. You're no longer alone, you no longer have to put up such a strong front, you no longer have to struggle each and every day, being someone you're not. This is the rawest side of yourself anyone has ever seen, but it feels good. However, people leave. Instinctively, you try to close yourself back up, picking up all the broken pieces off the floor, trying to contain all of yourself that you've spilled out, attempting to build up the walls that were shattered. But no, they'll never be the same, you'll never be the same. You never want to return back to the confinement of your guards, the loneliness those walls brings with it and the pains of holding so much up and within. It takes so much out of you each and every day, living life that way, you almost have nothing left to give. You search for someone to give you that feeling again and in the process, this exposed, raw side of you gets hurt time and time again, because it's just that easy to.

Seeking shelter? You'll only find shelter in yourself. Seek shelter behind your walls, your guards, whatever you had before someone came along and crushed it. Or seek shelter in God. Because people leave, things change and life doesn't stop for anybody. Baby girl, if you're reading this, stay strong my love, everything is going to be ok, L and I are here for you. )

{I'm in a really good place right now. I went for a little walk around town and ended up in the Olympic Park, which is absolutely gorgeous, and it feels good to just sit there, taking in the fresh air, feeling the cool grass beneath my feet and watching the Atlantic Ocean doing its thing. The girl who loved travelling has finally returned. Alas, I have approximately 4 days until I leave this place. I don't mind though. I miss my friends and the feeling of familiarity, but I miss having strangers around and the feeling of unfamiliarity. The thrill of discovery, the serenity of such a laid back lifestyle; I dig that.

Right at this moment, I just really wanna kiss you.}

[I like you. A whole lot. But I'm proper sure we'll never work out. Nothing good is going to come out of this.]

|| Last night in Seattle, things cannot get anymore depressing than this. I like it here, I like it here a lot. I like how it's so laidback, so chill. I like the weather, the people. I like how there's so much to do here, so much to see, almost as if its never-ending (although I know, one day it will, but still). Most of all, I like how I'm away from everything at home. I miss home, I miss my friends and everything but I'm afraid that when I return, things won't be the same as I left them.

And you'd never see this but I'd like you to know, I miss you a whole lot. I think about you often, I just don't know how I'm supposed to show it to you. I'm horrible at these kind of stuff. ||