I sincerely apologise that this space is always filled with sad shit, I pinky promise I'll do a proper post and you'll get to see my pretty face when my exams are over (or at least when this week is over). I'm sorry.

Right now, I'm just so demoralised from my Economics paper today. I don't care if this post is going to look ugly as shit and taint my blog. I don't care if the words in this post aren't the prettiest of words I could write. Because right now, I'm just everywhere, all over the place, sprawled, together, yet not together, angry, sad, frustrated and I literally want to give up right now. I'm so consumed by all these fears and insecurities, enveloped by these doubts and worry, that might not even be true. I've had enough of feeling not enough, of needing so much assurance, of living off someone else. I've always been a combination of the bits and pieces of people I've met through my entire life. I've never been a person of my own and it kills me, it does. I don't even know what I'm rambling on about anymore. I really need to be studying for my Business management exam tomorrow but I can't seem to cram anymore information into my head as it is right now filled with Economics and other irrelevant useless shit.

Hey you, yes you, you SPY. Why do you even exist? I hate how much I'm so infatuated with you, I hate how much you can just manipulate my emotions without lifting a finger or even knowing that you're doing it. Yet I absolutely adore that you bring such a smile to my face with the simplest things you do and I adore that wonderful smile you always seem to have no matter what's coming your way. But please, I'm begging you please, do not drag me along like that. I have so many doubts and questions and I wish you'd tell me something. See that's the problem with me, I ask too much of people sometimes and I expect too much. But to be fair to me, at least, if you're not in, then get out. It feels like a see-saw right now, one minute you're in, the next you're out, one moment I'm high, the next you bring me to a low. I really just want to scream into your face sometimes but alas, I lack the guts. I really want to just give you a really big hug sometimes (you're really nice to hug, jussayin') but alas, I lack the guts. I really want to just plant a little peck on your cheek sometimes but also, I lack the guts. I really want to strangle you sometimes but alas, I'm greeted with that bright smile that makes me smile.

And whoever is reading this, I'm sorry I'm such a sad person but believe me, I'm trying my very best to be happy. Alright, time for BMGT!