I've come to the realisation that I haven't done an actual life update in ages. Like one of those blog posts that says I've done this, this, this with so and so and so on that day, that day, that day. I don't know, I've always found those posts to be really boring because a) my life isn't interesting at all and b)  my life really isn't interesting. But here's a shot in the dark.

7 weeks have come and pass just like that. So much has happened within this time that I can't even remember most of it. They're just bits and pieces of memories without any time stamp to them. I've experienced a myriad of emotions and fought some (inner) demons (and I am still fighting them). I'm finally willing to come around and find my way back to God. I really am not proud to say that I'm a Christian when people ask, because of the many things I've done. Sometimes, I feel like I'm not in a position to be telling people about God, bringing them to church and encouraging them to become a Christian as well. Its borderline hypocritical of me to be doing so. I don't quite know how to put it into actual words. I'm really glad I'm finally thinking rationally. I still do make irrational decision though (like last night) but I really needed that. Its somewhat like a temporary closure I guess, a fullstop in some sense. But I know that I have to bear whatever consequences they bring. I'm a far cry from the person I was this time last year, completely a former shadow of myself but I'm trying to bring a dose of that person back. I do need her. I'm trying to find a balance between everything. 

I finally met up with my Poly group of friends during the week, after a chain of failed plans and them going to Malaysia without me because I was overseas. We caught The Perks of Being A Wallflower and just chilled over some food after that. I can't help but think that a year later, we probably wouldn't be in the same group of friends anymore. Our friendship was built upon toxic, toxic that we're all trying to kick out of our lives and if we do manage to then, what would be left to bring us together? We're all so different, with nothing in common. We'll see how it goes. On another note, it was really nice seeing you but seeing you also brought with it a wave of emotions I've suppressed. I guess when you don't actually see someone much, you gradually 'forget' all you've felt. Well, until you see them and realised that you've not forgotten, just buried. My first instinct was to just distance myself, which is moronic and I apologize. But hey, good to see that you're still you, smiling and all.

Tomorrow marks the start of my 2nd semester in my first year of Poly. I've wasted my first semester away and I've disappointed myself. I need to get my act together because I have places to go and things to do. I've got to learn to grow up a little. I don't want this semester to be an exact replica of the past one. I don't know what's going to happen, I don't know how to get back on track after all that has happened but I only know one thing: balance.

Labels: Life, Thoughts